This morning's adventure

 I said good morning to my husband and fill my ‘Save the Planet’ mug with steaming hot coffee, then casually glanced out the kitchen window. I watch a Blue Heron slowly expand and retract it's gray wings, stretch out its long skinny legs, and gracefully land on the tin roof of the workshop behind our pond. There is only 75 feet and a glass window separating us. The heron cocks its head sideways studying our pond and the obstacles we installed around the water’s edge to detour him. We lost nine Koi last year. Fishing line around the edge of the pond only became a puzzle to be solved by the herons, along with the timing of the motion detector.

  Our remaining fish swim back and forth in front of the underwater spotlight advertising to their predator: ‘FRESH FISH, EAT HERE.’

 My husband Ralph also sees the heron. “That’s it, I am getting the gun!” He runs down the stairs to the basement and the gun safe.

 “You can’t shoot a heron,” I yelled following right behind him, “they are a protected species!”

 “I don’t care. The damn heron has eaten his last Koi!”

 “Ralph, you are being unreasonable. It will leave if we scare it away.”

 “Yea, sure, he’ll just come back again. I say let’s shoot the fucker and then shove a pole up his ass and stick him in the yard as a warning to his buds not to eat here!”

 As much as I would like the heron problem solved, I certainly don’t want Ralph to shoot him. I’m not happy about having a gun in the house either. I thought the gun control laws should be stricter. But, there was no arguing with Ralph about it. He was a proud NRA member.

 I turn my thoughts back to the heron and I could see it through the slider now standing at the top of the waterfall about 50 feet away. It is hiding behind the tall water grass we planted last week, probably deciding which Koi will be its breakfast.

 The sound of bullets scattering on the floor forces me to turn around. Ralph loads his shot gun and snaps it closed. He pulls open the sliding door. I shove him to the side, and in my robe and fuzzy slippers I run towards the pond waving my arms, screaming, “Go, go! Get out of here now!”

 The heron looks up at me and immediately take flight. Ralph steps through the door, looks up at the pterodactyl-like creature, aims and then pulls the trigger. I see the bird disappearing behind the trees to the North.

 “Thank God you missed. Are you happy now?”

 “No. But, that damn bird’s days are numbered. I am getting one of those surveillance systems. Just wait until he comes back. I’ll get him.”

 “Why does violence have to be the only answer? There wouldn't be any animals left if everyone had a gun. Or people for that matter.”

 “So, you are telling me that if you were being attacked by a bear you’d rather have me talk to him nicely before he rips you apart?”

 “This is totally ridiculous. I don’t want that gun in the house anymore!”

 “I am not getting rid of the gun.” He said clutching his rifle in his arms.

 “Okay, but I want you to keep it at your brother’s house, not here. Anyway, you better put that gun away. I think you’re late for work.”

 I go upstairs to the kitchen and pour myself another cup of coffee and sit down. I wondered what I would have done if he actually hit the bird. I really do love Ralph, but this mountain man behavior has got to stop.

 A few minutes later Ralph comes up the stairs, pats the dog, kisses me good bye and heads out the door. He gets into his Jeep and drives off to work.

 Silence at last. Maybe now I can have some peace and quiet.

 The doorbell rings. I tighten the belt of my bathrobe and shuffle to the door and peer through the top window to see who it is. “Shit, so much for a peaceful day.” I open the door a crack.

 “Morning mam, I’m Officer Morgan and this is Officer Weldon. Are you okay? One of your neighbors reported hearing someone screaming, and what sounded like a gunshot. We’re investigating the situation.”